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Warning: Because of the nature of this topic, some of the following links lead to pages where the subject matter may be deemed unsuitable to children either because of its graphic content or because of objectionable materials offered elsewhere on a site that happens to provide a unique service or excellent information about domestic violence. Discretion is advised.
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Although this page contains information that is useful to anyone, I have slanted the content to focus on same-sex domestic violence since so little help has been offered to people involved in this particular type of relationship.
"Domestic Violence." Sounds like a contradiction in terms, doesn't it? Well, it is. A relationship that is "domestic" should be loving and nurturing. When a domestic relationship turns violent, one partner attempts to dominate the other through "the systematic use of force, threats and intimidation." [The author of this citation has removed his/her page from the Net so I am no longer able to refer to the source.] It's a situation that should not be tolerated and a pattern that needs to be stopped.
Violence can come in many forms. For most of us, "domestic violence" calls to mind images of physical abuse. But verbal attacks and emotional attacks are also abusive. Or one partner can attack the other financially. Or, in one of the greatest betrayals, the attacks can be sexual in nature.
In same-sex relationships the abuser often has the additional power tool of threatening to "out" the victim. This is a very powerful weapon that all-too-frequently causes the cycle of domestic violence to continue.
Who are victims of domestic
violence"?
Anyone can become a victim of domestic violence. Male, female, young, old, straight, gay, rich or poor.
How do I get help if I'm a victim of
domestic violence?
There are a number of organizations that have been set up to help victims of domestic violence. Not all of them handle same-sex domestic violence situations, and some personnel of organizations that do handle same-sex cases may not be trained to deal with this particular variation in the spectrum of domestic violence. If you are a victim of domestic violence in a same-sex abusive relationship, don't give up! Keep trying different organizations until you find one that knows how to help you.
How do I help a victim of
domestic violence?
If you know a victim of domestic violence, that person needs your love, your support, and, most importantly, your help. Perhaps more than anything else, the victim needs to be believed.
Domestic violence is a cyclic form of behavior, which is one of the main reasons people remain in these destructive relationships. There are periods where the violence is intolerable followed by times where the relationship seems just fine. If the person you know is enduring one of the violent periods, help him or her get out now! If you can, consider offering the victim a place to stay. (Most physically violent attacks occur after the victim tries to leave the abuser.) If the person is in one of the quieter stages, convince him or her to leave before the situation turns bad again. Here are some places you can turn to for more information.
How do I get help if I'm the
abuser?
Admitting you are the abuser might be even harder than admitting you are being abused. But if you have the courage to see yourself for what you are, here are some places where you can get help to break the cycle of violence.
Here are some more places you can turn to about dealing with a domestic violence problem.
As you can tell, some states, such as New York, have many more visible resources than other states. If you live in one of these areas, you are very lucky. If you do not live in one of these areas, don't despair! There is still help available for you. You'll find help numbers in your phone book, and some of the resources listed on this page offer online help. Remember, anywhere in the United States, you can always dial 911 if you need immediate assistance. (Outside the United States, contact your local emergency service.)
Want to learn more? Here are additional sources of information.
If you know of a link that you think should be added to this page, please e-mail me at Legend@malcor.com. I'll check it out and add it if I think the site is appropriate for this directory.
Remember, no one deserves to be hurt. We should all treat each other with respect and love. If you are a victim of domestic violence, you do not have to suffer any more. There are people out here who are willing to help you. If you know a victim, give that person the help needed to end the cycle of violence. And if you are the abuser, please, contact someone who can help you stop. Please. Don't let the pain continue. This is a problem that can be stopped. We have it in our power to put an end to domestic violence. Ask someone to help you before it's too late.
Disclaimer: This is an informational page only. While I've tried to screen the various sites to make sure they are gay-friendly and professional, neither I nor Dragonlords are responsible for their content. I am not offering legal advice nor professional counseling. Please, for your own safety and protection, personally check out any individuals or groups who are featured on this page. This site is only a means for you to contact them; neither I nor Dragonlords are qualified to offer an endorsement of their services.